Job Reviews
Monday, February 19th, 2001 | Author: David Morris

These are actual quotes taken from job performance reviews.

1. I would not allow this employee to breed.

2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won’t be.

3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change which ever foot was previously there.

5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

8. This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better.

9. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

10. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching.

11. A room temperature IQ.

12. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

13. Bright as Alaska in December.

15. He’s so dense, light bends around him.

16. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’ll get change.

17. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

18. One neuron short of a synapse.

19. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge: he only gargled.

20. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

21. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

22. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

23. A gross ignoramus, 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

24. He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.

25. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

26. He’s been working with glue too much.

27. He would argue with a signpost.

28. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

29. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

30. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.

31. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

32. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

33. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

34. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

35. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

36. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

37. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

38. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

39. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

40. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

41. He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.

42. He has knack for making strangers immediately.

Category: Lists