What Cars Tell About People

Acura Legend
I’m too bland for German cars.

Audi 90
I enjoy putting out engine fires.

Buick Park Avenue
I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

Cadillac Eldorado
I am a very good Mary Kay salesperson

Cadillac Seville
I am a pimp.

Chevrolet Chevette
I enjoy seeing people’s reactions when I tell them I have a ‘vette.

Chrysler Cordoba
I dig the rich, Corinthian leather.

Datsun 280Z
I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Datona
I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Ford Mustang
I slow down to 85 mph in school zones.

Geo Storm
I will start the 11th grade in the fall.

Geo Tracker
I will start the 12th grade in the fall.

Honda del Sol
I always said half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.

Honda Civic
I have just graduated and have no credit.

Infiniti Q45
I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Jaguar XJ6
I am so rich that I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days out of the year.

Lincoln Town Car
I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

Mercedes 500SL
I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mazda Miata
I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler.

Mitsubishi Diamante
I don’t know what it means either.

Nissan 300ZX
I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Peugeot 505 Diesel
I am on the EPA’s 10 most wanted list.

Plymouth (Dodge) Neon
I sincerely enjoy doing the macarena.

Pontiac Trans Am
I have a switchblade in my sock.

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow
I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit too liberal.

Toyota Camry
I am still in the closet.

Volkswagen Beetle
I still watch “Partridge Family” reruns.

Volkswagen Microbus
I am tripping right now.